On days like today, I need reminders.  I woke up to Carter screaming this morning for his pacifier.  It was all downhill from there–the crying continuing until mid-morning.  We clamber down the stairs, me still sleepy-eyed and ready to start my day slowly.  This, of course, never happens.  Right away, there is yelling for a snack from the younger one.  The older one is already asking me what we are doing today.  What movie we can watch.  If I could read him this R2-D2 book right here.  Are we having eggs for breakfast?  The younger one wants me to hold him.  The older one asks for a vitamin.  Yesterday’s dishes are still on the counter because the dishwasher needs to be emptied.  Watermelon juice is sticky on the counter still from the one that I sliced last night at 10:30.  And I look at the dinner list only to find out that I am supposed to make crockpot mexican meatloaf, which is supposed to cook on low for nine hours and my meat is still in the freezer.  Everyone’s laundry baskets are full, and there are two loads that are clean needing to be put away.  New birthday toys are strewn all over the living room, along with our entire mass of pillows.  Marbles are embedded into our rug, and there are fifteen marbles on the kitchen floor, like land mines, from a game of let’s roll the marbles down the stairs.  Everyone’s bedroom is a disaster, and ours is covered with about a quarter inch of dust on every wooden surface.  Nothing in this house is organized anymore.

I make breakfast groggily.  The youngest one cries at what I’ve given him and asks for chocolate chips instead.  The oldest one asks why he didn’t get eggs until I remind him that I made eggs yesterday for him, so today I made him oatmeal instead.

I sit down to eat my measly bowl of cereal, because today, even if it’s just for one day, I’ve decided to count my calories.  Before I can take a bite, I am asked for a glass of water.  For a napkin.  For chocolate milk.  My phone buzzes. I am reminded of my thirty item to do list.  Now my measly bowl of cereal is soggy.  I throw myself a pity party, because I’m good at that.

So, on days like today, I need reminders.  Reminders that I am loved.  Reminders that I do this because it’s an honor and a gift to be given children to raise, and to be able to stay at home with them.  I look at these pictures that we took yesterday morning and that’s all I need as my reminder for right now.  I look at their precious faces and I swoon over them.  They are really my joy–sometimes it’s so hard to see past the to do list weighing me down, the days when I wish someone would text me and ask me if I want to have a play date, the days when James gets home late and then has rehearsal for the VBS drama team, and the days when I have to wake up on be on mom duty before I even get a chance to pee.

Days are hard–no lying about that.  But there is no other Today.  So I have to remind myself to live in it before it’s gone.

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