Sometimes I close my eyes and think about a time beyond the now.  Beyond in a backwards way. Back when there was just me and just James and just the two of us. Before photography. Before running around as parents.  Life was simpler obviously. Different.  And of course, I wouldn’t trade it back even if I had the chance to. But I wonder about what I used to do.

And that makes me think about there here and now as well. If I had nothing to do, with no agenda, and no to do list. What on earth would I do with myself?

I would love to sit in the warm sand during an eighty-five degree day, with the ocean in front of me, and the sun behind me (so as not to make me squinty eyed). And I would drift in and out of sleep with the waves crashing peacefully around me.  (Yes, I am being very specific about romanticizing my down time).

I would love to lounge snuggly next to a fire, in a room with a Christmas tree lit by warm white lights and silver and red sparkly decorations.   With a cozy blanket, a book and a mug of Cafe Mocha with peppermint mocha creamer.  And a big bowl of twix bars, already unwrapped from their packaging. (And for this dream scenario, the twix bars have zero calories).

I would love to take my husband to a ritzy, private golf club and play eighteen holes with him. We’d get a king size snickers bar and a hot dog at the turn. We’d give each other gimmes and mulligans until we scored in the lower eighties. We wouldn’t have anyone playing in front of us to slow us down and annoy me 🙂  This of course, would take about 4.5 hours of free time, and well. . . let’s just say thats why it’s a fantasy!

I would be in a musical. This of course would take lots of down time. It would also take talent–both with singing AND dancing and NEITHER which I actually possess.  But I would still love to do it.

And I would love to practice my French Horn so much that I could be good enough to play in some kind of ensemble again. I miss it.

I would round up some of my favorite college volleyball friends–the ones who left a lasting impression in my life, and we would play a game of six on six on our old court in the VAC. We would wear long socks and kneepads (but possibly forgo on the spandex), and we would play just like the old days. In my mind, we would really play like the old days, but in reality, I’m sure it would look nothing like it.  It’s amazing how much I miss the sport. How passionate I used to be about it. How much my teammates made an impact on me and how much I cared about them.

What would you do, if you have no agenda? And if you could pick anything to do, that would make your heart sing deep down in those places that barely get the light of day because of your current responsibilities?