I cannot stand getting dirty–like, at all.


He attacks the impossible with enthusiastic vigor.


I cringe and make faces of death as he asks me to rip off a strip of old moulding which is encrusted with a ridiculous amount of adhesive that might be centuries old and then I proceed to wash my hands four times afterwards in fear of catching the plague.


He gracefully uses a crowbar to dissect the cabinets.


I take an hour to rip down ten square feet of wallpaper and still don’t even succeed in getting it all off, causing him to have to finish what I started.

He has a list of things to do in an appropriate order.

I hate doing things the “right” way and would rather skip all the unimportant steps that you will never see just to get to the fun stuff like being done with the project.  I mean, seriously. . . who needs to lay down a new subfloor before putting another floor on top of it?  And who needs to actually measure and plan things?

He somehow knows how to do all of these things and I have no idea how he does.

I watch him with a look of stupor on my face and feel like a big loser because all I know how to do is paint a wall and follow simple orders like, can you please get me the screwdriver?


He can plan eight different layouts of how the kitchen might look by sliding around little yellow squares representing cabinets and appliances, and when he asks me my opinion, my answer everytime is, uhh . . . let me look at some pictures online first.  i think that would help.  I mean seriously, do I have no imagination??  

So, just in case you missed the question the first time, I’ll ask again . . .

HAS ANYONE SEEN MY WAND??!!