I actually have no words to describe how I’m feeling right now.  I’m heartbroken for so many families.  It seems like devastation is everywhere, and I don’t know if it seems more prevalent than I ever remember it before because now, with Facebook, it seems there are connections to people everywhere.  News travels fasters.  Reaches more caring people than ever before.  But everywhere I turn, there is loss.  There is sickness.  There is heavy, heart wrenching, terrible things happening to such good, good people.

A fellow P31 sister of mine (a Christian women’s photography group), lost her baby days ago, Sophia, at 37 weeks.  http://www.youcaring.com/memorial-fundraiser/in-loving-memory-of-baby-sophia-kate/136736.

Another P31 sister just wrote to me asking for prayer as she was heading to the hospital to photograph a baby who also did not make it.  The mom was just over at my house two weekends ago buying some of my baby clothes for her son, who was nearly full term already.  She came with her husband–I asked what they were going to name him, and I loved the name they picked out- Avi.

And then, there’s this sweet boy, Ben, who I’ve posted about already a few times on my Facebook page.  I took these images of Ben, his twin Jack, and their family a little over two years ago.  He’s four now.  Here is the latest update from his sweet momma:

Thank you for all of your kind words, well wishes, gifts and prayers said on our behalf. These past few weeks have been horrific. And I’m sad to say, it’s just the beginning.

We got the results from pathology. The tumor is one of the more aggressive of the aggressive tumors. They tell us Ben may just have a few more months before it completely takes over. Next week, he will start a tedious six weeks of both radiation and chemotherapy to try and slow down the growth. We’re hoping that this drastic treatment will give us a little more time with our precious four-year-old.

I’m not going to lie and say I have not wrestled with God about this. I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t yell at Him in anger, asking why, begging Him to take my life instead. The past two days since learning his diagnosis have been the hardest of my entire life. But Andy and I have emerged with a determination for a different perspective. We don’t understand why God is allowing this to happen. But as difficult it is to grasp, we know that Ben is not ours. 

When we surrendered our hearts to God many years ago, we forfeited our lives and gave Him permission to do for us as He saw fit. That means taking the good with the bad. I don’t understand why this is happening. But I am not God. It is not for me to worry. In thirty-two years, His love has never failed me. Not even once.

Our goal now is to spend as much time as we can with our kids, resting in God’s sovereignty. Please support us by praying to our Creator who loves our son more than we ever could.

Please pray for peace. For strength. For wisdom on how to talk to Ben about his diagnosis and treatment plan, answers for his twin brother, and strength for me and Andy.

And most of all, please don’t stop praying for a miracle.

When life doesn’t make any sense to me, as it doesn’t right now, I don’t even know what to do.  There was no moral to this blog post.  No, well, when life doesn’t make any sense, here are ten simple steps I like to follow to make everything okay again. It doesn’t work that way.  It never will.  When life doesn’t make any sense, we just grieve for people the only way we know how.  We cry out to God. We cry out to no one.  We pray.  We get angry.  We hug our children and promise we won’t take another day for granted. We make meals for people. Send money. Ask ourselves over and over how this can be happening to such sweet, lovely people. We want to be supportive and send messages of hope and encouragement. But then don’t want to be overwhelming and decide not to. We sometimes lose a bit of faith in the One who claims to be our Jehovah Rapha- our healer. But we all the time know that He is called that for a reason, and we never give up hope that He will choose to perform miracles for those who so desperately need one.

So, please friends, please hold all of these dears ones up in prayer.  For those who have lost their children, and for those who are fighting to hold on to them.