Below are images from dinner and playtime last night with some of our good friends.  James and Mike don’t see each other very often, but when they do, they always have a good time.  Both of them love fun.  And making fools of themselves, so it works out well.  And I love when Rachel comes over. . . she’s also a photographer, so we have a lot to talk about all the time.  And we share the camera–so these images are a collaborative effort between the two of us.

But what I really want to talk about is how I’ve gone a little loopy.  And I need to make a full confession–I am addicted to food.  It’s like a drug to me.  And I knew that I needed to do something about the direction I was headed.  Right before I got pregnant with Carter, I did weight watchers hardcore.  I ran too.  Not long distances, but a few times a week.  I was doing really well, but then got pregnant so I had to stop the weight watchers.  But even then, that wasn’t helping me with my food addiction.  Doing weight watchers, it’s really easy to still eat food that isn’t entirely good for you.  You just have to eat less of it.  So I would eat a few points for breakfast and a few points for lunch and then still be able to eat some pizza or cake or cookies or insert blank with other low nutrition food choice.  I was not eating healthy food.  Period.

I do not like vegetables.  I avoid them at all cost if possible.  I probably could go through an entire week and only maybe eat one or two servings of vegetables.  And even fruit is something that I’m not good at including in meals unless it’s cleaned and washed and peeled and diced up nicely in a fruit salad that someone else has already prepared.  I’m just a lazy, lazy person.  Packaged, processed foods are easy to consume, and I fell in a very long trap.

I’m the kind of person that makes my mind up to do something.  And until I have that first lapse, my willpower is like steel.  So, nearly two and a half years after having Carter, I finally made up my mind to do something about being overweight.  I have a photography friend who is a super healthy eater–when I first met her (only via my photography Facebook pages), I used to kind of think her eating habits were odd.  She would always post recipes involving nothing but health food.  She juiced a lot of stuff.  You know. . . one of those kind of people (sorry Amber!).  Those weirdos who eat organic and who deprive themselves of all things delicious.  And then, after a few weeks of thinking, I thought to myself . . maybe she has the right idea.  Maybe she’s on to something.  Maybe if I eat like that, I would be pushing my food addiction out of the way, stomp all over it, and be able to say who’s your daddy now? to my stomach.  Maybe if I “die to my eating self” in a sense, and eat things that I would never in a million years have eaten before, and force myself to do it, I can squash the addiction.   So, for fifteen days so far, my willpower of steel has eaten almost 100% vegetables, fruit, seeds, beans and nuts.  I have not eaten a single thing that has been processed.  Also, I’m eating as much stuff RAW as I can.  So trying to cook as little as possible. . . we’ve learned that cooking really destroys so much of the foods nutritional value.

In addition to all of that, that same friend recommended two documentaries for me to watch.  Fat, sick and nearly dead and Forks Over Knives.  After watching those to movies, that’s when I decided to go even further with eating well and remove ALL dairy and ALL meat from my diet.  I truly recommend those movies to anyone who is willing to watch it. . .  but it will only change you if you let it.  It definitely convicted me, as far as my eating went.

I know I’m just beginning the journey.  I know that I’m only down about six pounds, and I’d be ecstatic to lose 27 more. . . that’s my ultimate goal.  But I’m so proud of myself for the past fifteen days.  Sure, I’ve gagged on a few things.  And I’ve scrunched up my face in disgust to get a few things down. . . but in all honesty, it hasn’t been that bad.  We bought a vitamix blender and have been using that multiple times a day.  You can pack SO MANY things into one smoothie and get it all in you at once!  For example, one of my morning smoothies might contain ALL of this: almond milk (super healthy and MORE calcium than dairy milk), blueberries, strawberries, banana, kale, spinach, carrot, hemp seeds, chia seeds and flax seeds.  Talk about sustaining your body with the right things.  I’m not even sure my body knows what to do!  I think I was so depleted of vitamins and minerals for so long, and running on nothing but sugar that I’m surprised I haven’t keeled over from shock.

So, that’s that.  I am now one of those people.  I pray that my willpower to stay on track remains for as long as my weight is on.  I’m ready for a change.  The beginning was the hardest part.  Now I know the task ahead.