There are some days, that as a mother, I question my decisions.  The way I discipline.  The thinking behind how I go about handling issues that come up day to day.  Decisions direct you on the path of life.  A couple of wrong ones, and you’ve found yourself in the Forest of No Return.  I often think back to a movie I saw awhile ago–The Butterfly Effect.  And how small decisions can affect your entire life.  

So when Carter had a fever for the fourth day in a row, was constantly doing a helpless, lifeless cry during any awake periods, would not eat and just was worrying me sick. And after I visited the pediatrician once and then made four hundred calls to them explaining how I just didn’t feel that he was right, and am I just a paranoid worried mother? and do something for me!, I made the best mother decision I could make and James and I took him over to the hospital.  

Decisions are so truly difficult.  Because of my decision, my little man had to undergo some very unpleasant testing.  I sobbed on the inside, but tried to stay so strong on the outside.  My insides exploded with anxiety and worry as I could hear him crying in agony as they did a chest xray.  As they put a catheter in him.  As they stuck him with needles and poked him and prodded him.  As his temperature still climbed while we were there.  

But then something miraculous happened in our seventh hour there.  After the second dose of fluid through his i.v., and after their successful measures at lowering his temperature, he started chatting with one of the nurses, in all his goo gaa cuteness.  And he smiled.  Oh how I missed that smile.  He energetically kicked his legs.  He stared in fascination at the contraption that they put on his arm to hold the iv in place.   And I just looked at him and took it all in.  So thankful to God for returning our happy child back.  So thankful that his temperature was down to a 99 and that he had stopped crying.  And then he took his bottle, which was another miracle, since he had all but refused one in almost a full day.  Oh the joy!  

Decisions are so truly difficult.  But in the end, I think God usually is by our side directing us one way or another.  Maybe it’s not until he gives us a little shove that we are able to decipher what we should do.  So, let me give the due credit to the One who helped me decide to bring Carter in to the ER.  I may have stayed up all night while we watched in horror at all the distress he was going through during all the tests. . . but in the end, we have our baby back.  

And that is true bliss.